013 [ action -> video ]

[imthe_shit]

[ Right square in the middle of Cherrygrove City, Snake is staring down his Torkoal, Boss, who appears to have... something... in his mouth. It looks square-shaped, and it's glimmering somewhat in the sunlight. The old soldier takes a hesitant step forward. ]

C'mon, Boss... Don't do this.

[ Boss clamps his mouth tighter around the object, causing Snake to freeze up. ] No, don't! [ Aaand... gulp. The mysterious box is gone forever, swallowed by the large fire-tortoise. ]

....

[ Snake pulls out his Pokégear, creating a video post. ]

[ VIDEO ]

[ He looks a bit... nervous. ] Hey, uh... Say, hypothetically, that a Pokémon swallowed a ... hypothetical pack of cigarettes. Would that... hypothetical Pokémon be harmed in any way?

... Hypothetically.

Comments

[video]

[captainash]

........Bring that hypothetical Pokémon to the nurses. Bring that hypothetical Pokémon to the nurses right now.

[Preferably before it drops dead of simultaneous poisoning by a dozen chemicals.]

[video]

[imthe_shit]

... All right...

But this, uh, hypothetical Pokémon usually eats coal and tar for its diet anyway. Do you think it'd still matter?

[video]

[captainash]

...I don't know, but would you really want to find out that it does by watching the poor thing keel over?

[otakon_geek]

Snake? Oh no.....I can't believe Boss ate those cigarettes. [Otacon is worried for both Snake and Boss.] Did you anger Boss in any way for him to eat your box of cigarettes? [He sighed.]

You'd better get Boss to the Poke Centre right away, Snake. I don't know what kind of damage a box of cigarettes will do to him.

[imthe_shit]

Hey, I've told you before, this guy eats coal all the time. I didn't think tar would matter so much, I just didn't expect him to eat an entire box. [ Snake growls, rubbing the back of his neck. ]

[otakon_geek]

Eating coal may be natural for him but tar? That's a different thing altogether, as cigarettes are made up of harmful chemicals. [He felt sorry for Boss and Snake too. He knew how much the old soldier loved his cigarettes.]

You should have kicked the habit. [He offered Snake a small smile. He is joking, don't worry. He knows how much you depend on what little pleasures you have in life, Snake.]

What else does he like eating apart from coal?

video;

[aufsassig]

That's a pretty specific hypothetical.

[It's a good thing he's not a generous person, or he'd offer to ~hypothetically~ read the thing's ~hypothetical~ mind and just ask it directly if it were feeling sour.]

What kind of thing are we talking about here?

video;

[imthe_shit]

Thing? You mean the Pokémon?

... Uh, let's say it's a Torkoal.

video;

[aufsassig]

A Tor-what?

[...]

Hang on.

[JUST GONNA GO...POKE AT THE DEX AND LOOK THAT UP THEN, SUCKS TO BE A NEW GUY, GRUMBLE GRUMBLE GRUMBLE]

...It's a turtle. A turtle ate a pack of cigarettes?

[ video ]

[usedwrench]

[ She can't believe these questions sometimes! ]

Take that hypothetical pokemon to the Pokemon Center immediately!

[ video ]

[imthe_shit]

Right, right, fine...

[ video ]

[usedwrench]

[ ...Oh, well that was easier than she expected it to be. ]

Good, I'm sure they know more than the network.

[Video]

[killer_sweets]

That depends on what hypothetical type, this hypothetical pokémon is.

[Video]

[imthe_shit]

Fire type.

[Video]

[killer_sweets]

Then it shouldn't be a problem then. You'd just need to make sure it doesn't become a habit.

video;

[majorcrotchgrab]

Are they American cigarettes?

video;

[imthe_shit]

... Probably not, I bought them here in Johto.

[Video]

[foolishwren]

... Depends.

Was the Pokemon a Trubbish?

If yes, then it's fine.

If no... uh. Go to a Pokemon Center.

Like, now.

[Video]

[imthe_shit]

Would the fire in his belly just render the cigarettes useless?

I mean... if it happened at all. [ Snake, everyone knows you weren't being hypothetical. ]

video;

[lullabytes]

When someone says hypothetical that many times...it's obviously not hypothetical at all, right...?

video;

[imthe_shit]

[ UH UH... NNO. ]

That's not really my problem. Just looking for answers.

video;

[voidedrogue]

Uhhhhh I would think so, dude. Why did you feed your poké cigs, anyway? I mean that's not exactly food, man.

video;

[imthe_shit]

I didn't feed them to him. He stole them from me.

[video]

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[Henry looks a little strung out...but for a different reason.]}

You don't think that whole species likes to eat smokes, do you?

_{[Hiding them from HARRY was one thing...]}

[video]

[imthe_shit]

... Huh?

You having trouble with Marlboro, kid? [ Snake hadn't seen this guy since the garbage truck fiasco. Looks like he was all right. ]